Every Planet We Reach is Dead
by NovemberRabbit
Summary: Fallout 3/Killzone. A psychopathic, Schizophrenic, meticulous, Helghast sniper is sent with the rest of the squad into the ruins of D.C. Everything will be explained along with the story in later chapters.
1. Introduction

_Introduction _

This – this probably has to be the worst hell I've ever been through. Seeing what humanity has done to itself is bad but having to fight in it against an unstoppable force is worse. You think you're prepared for something that you've been groomed to do all your life. Then when it suddenly explodes into infinite amounts of pieces in your mind, it's the scariest thing in the world. I feel like little shards of glass are stuck in between layers of my skin and I want to just rip them all out in one grip of my skin. Everything is torn down. The buildings are all a grey mass of cement that collides with the grey sky. You have to watch your step or you'll trip on something.

The Super Mutants. Green gargling, yelling, monsters. I'm happy my area of expertise has me far away from them at times. I can't stand this place. It's a mass case of Cabin Fever. I'm reduced to a skittish mess of bones sometimes. I don't know what it is. Lack of motivation? No, I want to live. I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that I'm actually backing down to a challenge. I should use that force to drive me to survival. Adrenaline running through my veins at all constant times. Lack of sleep. Dark bags encircle the bottom of my brown eyes.

Even with my gas mask on that nulls the senses of smell and clears the air of any stench. I can still _feel _it. I've been trained to cut off all thoughts of attachment. I don't have any for the Super Mutants but we've killed innocent civilians.

Sometimes I wish I could build a brick wall and cover up all my emotions. That would help immensely. I'm responsible for my squad mate's lives just like our captain is. I can't be a selfish bitch and let them die because I can't come to terms with my animalistic mentality. Can't come to the true fact of who I am; an uncaring predator.

I've been thinking – which is dangerous in these kinds of situations – I've been trained to be impassive. When I have all these skills and heightened senses. It means you have all these emotions times a thousand. So things like empathy and care are more than ever present. I guess they tried to block this out of my mind. I think they churned my mind into butter and now it's mashed all together. I feel like I have two different personalities. One like a lion and one like a lamb. I think if any of my team mates found out these feelings I would be branded a traitor.

I need to block out my mind now, though. It's all clouding what truly matters. Keeping watch on the road below. I've not moved a muscle in over a course of some odd hours. The constant red haze the scope of the rifle and my goggles have been a constant. I just want to take it off and catch a few minutes of rest. I had the hood pulled down on my cape.

It was infused with camouflage technology and kept me warm and provided many other uses. My boot slid audibly across the dusty floor as I tried pathetically to stretch my legs. Lying prone for so long put a lot of pressure on the organs and it makes me want to vomit.

I really wish we would get out of this damn city already.


	2. Chapter one: Follow the leader

_Do I have to _put_ a disclaimer? Not sure. I will anyways. _

_Disclaimer: You get the idea, yadda yadda_

_Chapter one: Follow the leader_

_It's all a lie. _

_No, it isn't._

_You're only feeding the fire with gasoline. _

_I do what I think is right. _

_Then why are you fighting for these sub-human animals?_

_Because I am one._

_You're a freak compared to them._

_Early morning hours gave me signs of movement. The Brotherhood of Steel finally decided to show up. Their dull gray heavy armor and gas masks. I counted eight. Clearly hearing their metal footsteps, watching as they filed behind various places. My predatory eyes flicking to each one – ready to take their pitiful lives at any second. I switched to my radio quietly and gently spoke. _

"Captain Marlowe, sir. There ar-"

"I know." His cockney voice growled over the static. "Wait for my orders."

I surveyed them more and more. Making assumptions I knew were probably false. I never underestimate an opponent. Rapid footsteps sounding through the stair case. Two other sharpshooters fell to the floor beside me near the window.

On their stomachs waiting for Captain's orders. One of the Brotherhood of Steel members tossed a grenade near the entrance of the building. The building we were in was basically a pile of rubble. The whole front of it blown to bits when we got here. Most of the Helghast are on the second floor, where even then the building was badly destroyed. I instantly locked onto one of the targets and expected for Captain's voice to ring loud in my ears. The grenade exploded into a blue and green haze. Fire from the other side. Laser rifles singed the building's walls.

"Wait." Marlowe ordered.

I picked a victim.

_Don't do it. _

_You again.._

_Just get away from it all when you have the chance. _

"Fire!" Marlowe's voice yelled through out the radios.

Breathe in. Keep it steady. Natural instinct forced it's way into every muscle. No one in the world was alive. Only me and my victim. Their movement resounded waves of energy. It moved through the air like ripples. My rifle so perfect and exact. I was swimming in a pool of my own mind. Instead of anxiety. I head a calm certain peace with myself.

One mind.

One bullet.

One life.

And like that, his life was erased from my existence. Maybe to be remembered by his brothers and sisters with the Brotherhood of Steel, but to me he was nothing more than a lifeless form laying on the ground. Soon I had taken the lives of three more. My body dropped out of the trance.

Soon it was all over. I could hear the moans of the wounded and the dust settling in that specific way. The rush of adrenaline always seemed to create an aura around people. Itchy minds clawing for more action. It's stressing. After hours of not moving from last night I finally had the chance of standing. Unsteady feet snaked their way to hold my malnourished body. The streets below didn't look much different than before. There is no adding to it. Because it will always look the same.

"Stop moving." I had gone down to the second floor to see if I could help with anything. Currently holding down someone I knew as 'Bontecou' while a medic pulled shrapnel out of his arm. I frequently saw him around. He was a regular assault trooper. "Stop moving." I repeated. Not understanding the pain he was in I simply took the cold route.

His goggles and helmet were taken off revealing his eyes tightly closed. "Here." The medic's voice snapped. He jabbed a needle filled with Morphine Sulfate into the Helghast's arm. Then he began to work once more.

Bontecou revealed his dark brown eyes. His breathing softened and formed into that rhythmic pattern. I didn't even have to hold him down anymore but still kept a fair amount of pressure down on his chest just in case he decided to writhe around once more. Little pieces of rock and metal were dug into his skin. It was all so tattered. Torn. The worst was a fairly large metal shard deep in his arm. I watched his eyes flick to me in probably an attempt to calm his nerves. I would of. Instead of looking at the person clawing into my arm pulling out little pieces of god only knows what – I would much rather look at the one holding me down. Maybe it's just me. I would find it comforting in a weird way. The medicine induced euphoria gave his eyes a glassy look and the sweat mixed in with blood spattered his face.

_Kill him. _

A sudden urge to choke the bastard. I wanted to take his mind and bend it into every different way. I tightened my grip on the front of his shirt. Trying to subside the voice yelling at my hands to tear the mask away from his face and choke him to death.

_He's a murderer. An animal. _

I didn't realize just how much pressure I was putting on his chest until he put his hand around my arm. In his weak state he couldn't do anything. I gave an evil smirk behind the facade of the red eyed gas mask.

_Rip his gas mask off. _

"Molyneux!"

"Huh?" I pulled any pressure off his chest completely and looked to Captain Marlowe standing over me.

I could feel the piercing gaze he was giving me. He should of just executed me right then and there. "I.." Marlowe took a look around the building. The orange green haze of this planets sun filling in any empty spaces that the dark covered. I only stared at him. The snappy medic continuing working on Bontecou. "I want you to stop acting like a psychopathic fuck for two seconds and go with LaMante." He grabbed the front of my shirt pulling me to my feet and shoved me towards the stairs. "Get moving!" He yelled for good measure. Shuffling down the stairs into the ruins of D.C. I spotted LaMante with the rest of the squad. I joined in with the small circle. "Captain Marlowe wants us to scout ahead. We'll go as far as the Capitol Building."

I've never been that far into D.C. The Capitol Building and around the Washington Monument seemed like the heat of it. Super mutants fought with unruly mercenaries called Talon Company. The Brotherhood of Steel protecting the least bit of their past as they can.

"Move out."

The terrain as always was ridden with litter. Twisting metal and corrupted buildings. My hunched back shuffling at the back of the pack. Straying only a little behind. I have to admit it was hot. Hotter than any other day in the three months I've been here. I was wondering when we were going to be sent more reinforcement and supplies. From seventy to fifty. Losing many good friends and fighters. Certainly Scolar Visari had not forgotten about us. This project was something he put most of his effort into. Maybe the ISA scum are retaliating. I only hope they aren't. Vekta was a complete disaster. I wasn't particularly sure what Visari wanted from this almost long forgotten planet and shouldn't think about it too much. I think he was desperate to find any other place but Helghan.

But I was here doing his will and for that I was proud.

"Through here." LaMante lead us to a burned out building. Just on the other side there was an abyss called The Mall. Many of this planets landmarks reside here. Captain Marlowe had interrogated a citizen before executing him some odd weeks ago. The citizen – or "Wastelanders" as they liked to be called – told him of who's who and what's what. Who the Brotherhood of Steel were. The Enclave were, and the general history of The Wastes.

"Molyneux, move to the second floor and set up position."

I followed orders. Setting up position near an old window sil. The Mall was inevitably like the rest of D.C. The Super Mutants dug in – trenches and what looked like a bunker. All lined with barbwire. One Super Mutant Master with a minigun stood on the top of the bunker. Others traced the inside of the trenches. Instinct always take over. Always. Super Mutants aren't hard to do away with. It's just for some reason they unnerve me. I watched him for a second or two before the bullet flew into his head. His large body dropped to the dust.

"Target neutralized."

"Move out."

The rest of the squad moved with precise movements out into the open. I strayed behind waiting to eliminate anyone who sought to open fire on them. I could hear short bursts of ammunition being shot from the team and soon after it subsided. I jogged down to the door way. Following silently behind my team up ahead. We soon came to an entrance to the metro tunnels. The entrance itself was in front of a fairly intact museum.

"Is everyone okay?"

Nods along with confirming voices sounded.

"Good. Take a rest. Then we'll move to-"

A grungy hoarse voice reverberated through the air , "Weeeelcome, touurists."


	3. Chapter Two: Fluorescent Adolescent

_Chapter two: Fluorescent Adolescent _

Atomic kisses laced the earth. Again the rising morning sun swirled the place in a blue grasp. I was outside the Museum of American History. Sitting on the steps. My gas mask was taken off. Breathing in some cold air and enjoyed what little peace there was. Cold washed over my face and flooded around my body. I leaned back on my elbows and laid my head on the step.

Before returning back to HQ we decided to stay in The Underworld. Get some rest and eat. The Underworld was a place of ghouls. Humans, exposed to massive amounts of radiation. Causing their skin to flake and peal off. They were generally nice to us. Considering we were foreign soldiers with intimidation written all over us. We were from another planet but I don't think they really knew that. They never did ask many questions. The Ninth Circle was a dingy bar inside the Underworld. Everyone drank and talked and had a good time. The first time in a long time I got to know some of the people I've been working with. All very nice but he was right. I am a freak compared to them.

Who I grew up to know as my brothers and sisters were all stronger than me. Mentally and physically. I never opened my mouth about the second thoughts I had. Just listened to their conversations. Deserters were to be shot – I knew that. But this was too much. Anything would be better than fighting with these people. I did not belong here fighting for something that only drove me insane. I've been doing fine without my mask. My lungs have not been hurting since I've taken it off. Which was last night. It gave me some thoughts about certain things but I didn't want to believe them. Didn't want to think about it.

"So long."

To leave was to never come back. I had to abandon all that they poured into the minds of millions. Helghan is an evil force. I don't want to be a part of it anymore.

"Where do you think you're going, girl?"

LaMante's voice was gentle but had an underlying tone of 'You're in trouble.' He was the teacher and I was the small child who had drawn on the walls in marker. I couldn't speak and only hoped he was either heavily intoxicated or just didn't care. My feet kept walking. Kept making that scuffing noise of dreary steps.

"You can go Molyneux. But you bet your sorry ass if we find you, you're dead! Dead as this god forsaken hell!"

The heavy door to the Museum slammed with a thud, and I was free. Free to leave all this behind. I did not need these clone clothes or this personality nullifying gas mask. What I needed was to be untrained. All the tight knit cloths that enveloped my mind torn apart piece by piece and knitted back together. I left my gas mask and most of my gear. It was time to start new and begin a life that I've so longed for. Even though I was tired. I had to go. Just walk. I began with a map that I swiped from one those ghoul types. Needed to take the metro tunnels to get into The Wasteland.

The tunnels were, like everything else, destroyed. Fought a-many malformed irradiated creatures. Insane gang members. I even ran into a few walls because it was so dark. Without my gas mask and goggles to illuminate my vision, I was sort of lost. None the less my new found senses of sight and smell were beginning to turn like gears. Rusty gears they may be. But I didn't die and only came out of it with a few scrapes and bruises. The Wasteland I assumed was like a very hot chessboard. My skin simply would burn to a crisp if I didn't have my cape. Which I kept my hood up over my face. I could only assume what I looked like. I needed a mirror. I needed a home. I needed somewhere to recollect myself.

Megaton was a scrap city. With a big metal scrap gate that opened up to let me in. A robot greeted me at the outside entrance. I was right about The Wasteland; bright, hot, sweaty. The middle of the day sprayed the whole place with a sense of hopelessness. Dust kicked up around me every time I took a step. My clothes in general had a sort of thick layer of grime. Though I was protected from the sun's rays and that's all I wanted.

Megaton had many people. It was almost surprising. I began to survey the place when I noticed the little voice inside my head hadn't said anything in a while. If I thought about it too long I'm sure he would show up soon enough. The rifle slung around on my back was starting to get noticeably heavy and I desperately needed a bed. Not a floor like I had to fall asleep on back at Helghan's makeshift outpost. Sleeping on the cold hard cement made my muscles ache. Curled up against someone else helped only a little but it was still a horrible situation. I needed a real bed. It didn't even have to be good. Just as long as it was in fact a bed.

"You don't look like you belong here – but it ain't none a my business. I'm Lucas Simms. The Sheriff and Mayor of this here Megaton."

Lucas Simms. A cowboy hat. Various clothes adorned him. A heavy jacket made of tough material to top it all off. Tough skin and a few gray strands of hair in his beard. That he seemed to trim every once and a while.

"Mr. Simms. Let me please introduce myself." My eloquent voice smoothed its way into the air. I always seemed to have a knack for talking. One of the teachers at the Academy told me I had the voice of a leader. The voice to sooth a thousand souls. I was taught to be polite and considerate to those who have authority. I was a slave to the power of

the higher. It was programmed in me. Like a robot. Mr. Simms seemed to be taken aback by my politeness. His eyes stared straight into mine. Another thing that was programmed into me was the ability to look someone square in the eye. Unwavering.

"My name is Molyneux."

"Your business is none of mine. You come off as a decent enough person, with all that fancy gear," He gestured to my rifle and clothes. "you seem to be doin' just fine. If ya need anythin' just holler."

"Thank you. I have a need to ask where I could rest?"

"Well, there's Moriarty's Saloon. On the top of that hill. You have caps don't ya?"

The confusion consumed my face.

I figured you would be like an alien." He sighed. Reached into his pocket and pulled out a considerable amount of caps. "I don't know why I like ya girl but take this. Should be enough to get you some food and a bed for the night."

To say I was insulted would be an understatement. I was never to be pitied. Never given sympathy. This man was treating me like some sort of feral baby that needed it's mother.

This was just Helghan talking. Needing help is what most Wastelanders were like. I didn't have any caps and that was the currency, so with shaky hands I took them. The only thing I couldn't do was pay Mr. Simms back. For something to be taken something in equal exchange had to be restored. It just wouldn't be right for me to take these rusty bottle caps. Though I would have to respect him enough to thank him.

"I appreciate the charity. I truly do. But I do not have any way of paying you back.

"Come see me tomorrow. I'll find you some work or someone you can help 'round town. Now go get some sleep. Have you looked in the mirror recently? You look more awful than the average Wastelander."

"Thank you for letting me off so easy. It's not usually something that happens to me."

Mr. Simms nodded and let me be on my way. I had a feeling this would be the only kind soul I would meet.

But it was just a feeling.

Moriarty's had the most eerie sense of quietness when I walked in. The place reeked of alcohol and some sort of smoky smell. The ghoul bartender greeted me. Radio static stung my ears. I desperately wanted to turn it off but thought of it rude. "What can I get ya?" I looked around the room before sitting. An awkward silence between me and the bartender thickened. Before my drowsiness could let me speak I noticed what that smoky smell was. Someone had a white stick like inhalant. It was small like a pen. Though much shorter. It burned my lungs and stung my senses. Either lung burn from not wearing my mask had set in or that death stick that man was breathing just generally hurt my sensitive lungs.

I had to get away from it.

"Hey, smoothskin."

Snapped back. I jerked my heads towards the ghoul.

"What can I get ya?"

"A bed to sleep in."

He chuckled out a "That's very direct. A hundred caps. You want anything to drink before you go to bed?"

"No, thank you."

I tossed him the caps and had a little leftover for when I wake up to have something to eat. Because I had stupidly left most of my gear and such back in D.C.

"Head on up to the very last door. Here's the key."

I jogged up the stairs by two. In a hurry to sleep. In a hurry to forget about my troubles for only a little bit. When I got into the small room I took off my shoes. Pulled off my cape along with the rest of my clothes. Only left in my very clean white undershirt that draped off my frame and underwear. I flopped down on the bed. I could care less that the blanket was almost like cardboard. Could care less that the bed was just as bad as sleeping on the floor. I was in a bed and for a moment it felt like I was back on Helghan in the soft clean beds in the air conditioned rooms. The spotless marble floors. All of it coming together to make a rather pleasurably life style for a few years.

I fell asleep thinking of the good times.

_Because I say so. _

_Huh._

_Beecauseee I sssssay so._

_You?_

_No.. Dear.. _

Darkness clouded around my room when I woke up. I felt rested. Ready. Alive. And for some reason I felt like I had to move. A certain homesick feeling ran through my mind. My mind was slow and I was thinking backwards. I put my pants on and opened the door to the main room of Moriarty's. The same quietness. But this time no one was up except a gray haired sun tanned middle aged man. He was leaning over the bar reading a letter of some sort. Quiet almost non existent barefoot steps never stirred his silent reading. Only the small movements from his lips as he scoured the words.

He took a double take at me as I stood a few feet away from the bar. For some reason this man made me hesitant to even say a thing. He didn't break the locked stare. And for once someone made my eyes turn away just for a few seconds. Like someone does when they're lying. My arms at my side in a limp fashion. Body standing in a cornered response. The man turned to his letter and his voice softened a "Come sit."

I did as I was told like a trained dog.

"What's your name lass?"

"Molyneux."

"How old are you?"

A tough question to answer since I didn't know. I figured I was maybe in my early twenties. Maybe nineteen. I was the second youngest in my squad and the youngest looked about the same age as me.

"Twenty one."

His face turned sour. "No need to be lyin'."

I'm not just going to out right and say where I was from and try to explain that my society didn't allow for such pointless things as birthdays. I think the best thing to do was just be quiet. Because when you don't say anything people usually assume the worse – right now I didn't need to say too much. Just hope that this man would have maybe a little bit of understanding in him. He didn't look like it.

But he decided to take the silent route also.

I adjusted in the stool and ran my hands over my head. I had hair. I refused to notice it yesterday because of lack of sleep and just plain exhaustion of the mind. It was short and felt greasy. I kept running my fingers through it until the man started to speak up.

"Molly? You want anything to eat while I'm up?"

"What do you have?"

"How many caps do you got?"

The little caps I did have I dropped on the messy counter. He took them without question and began to prepare me something.

"You never did tell me your name." I piped up. Gaining just enough courage.

"Well, lass, I own this here place you're sittin' in."

"Mr. Moriarty.."

"Colin Moriarty. But please, call me whatever you wish."

Colin. What a lovely name. Clank and clicks of dishes bounded. Colin put a yellow substance in a bowl in front of me. "Eat up." He cheerfully exclaimed. Putting my finicky self behind, I took a bite. After all – food was food.

It didn't taste that bad. Earth food that is. It was actually quite tasty! I looked up to see Mr. Moriarty again reading the letters. I wanted to know what was so interesting about them. A distant lover maybe? A friend who needed something?

"What are you reading?"

"You're nosy."

Again, I backed down to him.

I finished whatever was in the bowl and yawned. Outstretching my hands and releasing the aches. Pops cackled from my joints and I felt good for the first time since I got here. Mr. Moriarty was still reading those letters. Was he rereading them or just a slow reader? The more I looked at him the more infatuated I became. The more I wanted to know. A weird feeling of wanting to be protected by him flooded my mind. It wasn't in my nature and it scared me. He was mean and that was good. He didn't like my company and he shouldn't. He was there to take my caps and that was it. Nothing more.

I pattered back off to my room as quietly as I left. Mr. Moriarty didn't say a word.

The same room greeted my eyes. The small pile of clothes on the floor. My rifle leaned up against a wall. My pistol sat upon the nightstand. I curled back up under my blanket and thought about Colin.

I've felt this feeling for Captain Marlowe but didn't think about it much. I've always thought of it as an admiration rather than affection. More like an infatuation rather than a wanting. Marlowe only showed any interest in me one time – when we were at the Academy. I was sitting at the top of some stairs when he passed by. He told me that I did good today. He had the most amazing eyes when he was relaxed. They were probably filled with rage when he heard about me being a deserter. I didn't even want to think about what I had done. The shame would over take me if I let it.

I'm not a Helghast. This air does not hurt my lungs. What happened? I'm so confused.

Back to Colin. Colin. Colin. Colin. I can't wait to see him tomorrow.

_I'm sitting on the edge of a cliff in a hot desert. _

_And even though I'm going to fall.. everything is going to be okay. _

"You're from a vault?"

"Yeah. I already explained it to you."

"I know, I know. It's just fascinating to learn about this planet's history."

"This planet? What do you mean?"

This is why I don't like to let my guard down. This is why the training of my leaders and officers are forced. Because it keeps you from being stupid. It keeps you alive. Had to think. Had to lie.

_Tell the truth._

"I-It's hard to explain."

"Don't be stupid, I told you all about my fucked up life. I think it's your turn."

I lowered my voice. "The Brotherhood of Steel have made it oh so evident that there's a new threat to The Wasteland. The Helghasts."

"You mean-"

"It's rude to interrupt someone while they're talking."

"You're with them?"

"I said it was rude to unterru-"

"Shut up, I don't give a fuck where you're from. As long as you don't try to kill me."

The woman I was talking to was in a blue jumpsuit that had a big '101' plastered on the back in yellow numbers. She had red hair that clung to her face. Freckles on her nose. Big green eyes. A very sharp face but she wasn't ugly. She was very pleasant to look upon. Her wiry hands grasped her alcohol filled glass and she drunk it through out our conversation. She said her name was Sylvia Neeson. I told her mine and she just stuck to calling me Molly – like Colin had done the night before.

Oh, back to him. I saw him this morning when he left. Still didn't have enough courage to say anything. I should just forget about him. Just forget that stupid feeling. It's just an infatuation. It's just an interest. I shouldn't follow anymore into it.

Sylvia was looking for her father. She seemed resistant to it. Like she didn't actually want to but it was like someone was forcing her. Maybe it was just curiosity. It was like that – it was someone sticking a gun to your head and telling you to do something you don't really want to. I listened to her as she formed words with her mouth. Talking about her father, life in the vault, and other personal affiliations. She seemed to open right up – but maybe the alcohol had something to do with it. I seemed to draw in these kinds of people. The ones that will just spill their life story out to you. I liked it. I liked listening. I didn't like to talk very much. Just stay in my own mind while the others talked and commanded me around.

No questions asked.

"I'm leaving tomorrow for Rivet City. I don't have anyone to come with me."

She left the bait out but my personality didn't take it.

"You could come along if you want – you seem like a lost cause to me." She continued to explain more.

True. I didn't know what I was doing. All my life I've lived for someone else's needs. It was still killing to get somewhere but taking a life was like second nature to me. It was instinct. It was what I was raised to be. Just a predator on a leash.

"I won't be like none of them stinky strict army types that you're used to. You can do whatever you want."

She did more convincing.

I'm not sure I will be the best fighter. I was good in hand to hand combat. My mask and goggles helped a lot with my senses and without it I'm afraid I would be useless with my sniper rifle. I decided to jump in and suck it up.

"I have nothing to lose."

"Fantastic!" She charismatically jumped from her seat. "Meet me here tomorrow, and we'll be on our way!"

She was almost in a skip out the door. Whistling. I giggled at her dramatics. Sylvia, to me at least, was truly an amazing person. I was excited to leave with her. Even though I didn't know what what a Rivet City was.

Colin walked through the door. Just at that moment. Colin of all people. More thinking for me to do. I instantly went into a secluded stature. If I didn't pay any attention maybe he would just go away.

"Molly, my dear girl, if you're not going to stay another night. You best be getting your shit from my room or pay up some more caps."

There's a word for this kind of feeling. I couldn't name it at the moment.

"Mr. Moriarty. Please excuse my carelessness."

"Oh lighten up!"

His touch on my shoulder sent lightning bolts through my body. His hands were rough with dirt and calluses but it all fit him perfectly.

"It's just business!"

I wish I knew the name of that word to describe this sort of emotion.


	4. Chapter three: First Time Offender

_I added a factory in the far most corner of The Wasteland. Hope you don't mind. _

_Chapter Three: First Time Offender_

The night was dark and cold. Radiation as usual affected the atmosphere. Though there was not one cloud in the endless sky. You could of heard a pin drop, not a sound in the world could break the hypnotic trance the universe's wonders had me in.

Sylvia had left me. I looked up to her like a mother figure and she abandoned me.

Without any caps in my pockets, I wandered The Wasteland's eternal soul. Every crevice and rubble ridden building. Doing what I had to get by. I was a nomadic drifter floating along the lines of insanity. Stuck in my own brain. I tried to stay away from the people's words. As in, I didn't want to know about what Helghan or The Brotherhood of Steel were doing. I simply didn't have the will to know.

Simply didn't care.

I was using various aliases and nicknames for odd jobs. It was usually very little or a lot of pay. Anything anyone would pay me to clean, fix, who to kill, find, I did. The never ending cycle of bruises and scratches. I was a mess most of the time – and what did I spend most of my caps on? I kept them all in a bag that I buried just outside of Megaton. The amount of caps I did keep on me I spent on medical supplies and ammunition. Of course they didn't make the bullets for my sniper rifle here, so I traded mine in for one of theirs. I traded in my pistol for one of theirs also. I was completely rid of all and every piece of clothing and any weapon Helghan had provided me with.

–

"Good morning, children!"

Good morning indeed, Three Dog.

"How is everyone doin' in the Capital Wasteland!?" His voice loud and obnoxious.

My eyes felt like they were going to slip out of my skull and rest in pools of liquid in my lap. I was sitting on the floor leaned up against a wall, in god only knows where, I think it was a power station. It was dark last night and I couldn't tell. Raiders were really persistent people. Too many of them for me to take at one time.

When I was sure they were gone, I found an old radio, and flicked it on. It kept me company as my insomnia tugged on every inch of me. That and adrenaline kept me awake. As long as those slimy bastards didn't come looking around here I should be able to rest up for a little while. One of them had a baseball bat and an open hit for my face – needless to say, she took it. The other had a hunting knife and slashed my whole body up. The other six or seven never touched me. It was just those two.

In an attempt to stop the pain I plunged a needle full of heaven into my arm. It would send me into dream land and dull this pain. Last night I pathetically tried to clean most of the cuts off but it seemed like it would do no good.

The old flickering radio with a slight static played some foreign song. The woman's voice was beautiful – a piano played behind her singing and the whole song was relaxing. That's what I needed. To just lay here and try to get some sleep. I shifted a little to make it more comfortable. I outstretched my legs and folded my arms. My rather large coat kept me warm and snuggly in the early morning cold. The song lulled me to sleep and I would of sung along to it if I had the strength.

_Living for you.. is easy living.. It's easy to live when you're in love, and I'm so in love. There is nothing in life but youuu... _

I jerked back awake at the sound of crunching footsteps outside. _Get up, get up, stand up, hide. _I used the wall behind me as support for standing –I quickly limped in pain to the closet and crouched in the shadows.

The old metal door squealed when the trespasser opened it. The man coughed and smelled the air. I only wish he would just leave without looking. But sadly my hopes were obliterated when the footsteps started to resound closer.

The affects of the drug was still taking it's slow effect on my body.

_I say I'll go through fire._

I was ready to fight whoever was intruding on my palace.

_And I'll go through fire._

When the person's leg came into my view I took the chance of slipping my foot in front of him and using the leverage of where I was sitting to jump him.

_As he wants it, so it will be_

He fell on his back and we ended up in a tumble of punches and yelling adrenalin filled words at each other. I tried to get a good look at his face but a bandanna was tightly wrapped around it up to his nose. Short black hair, with a suit on. Rather young but I didn't stop to completely assess him.

_Crazy he calls me.._

He got a good grab on my throat and began to twist his body over mine and I writhed and wretched out of his grip. Landing a good knee to his abdomen beckoning a gasp from him. We struggled and struggled with each other, kicking up dust, until we were both heaving breaths. I couldn't feel any pain. Only the numb mixed in with stressed nerves.

I had a knife but I couldn't get to it with the way we were on the floor.

I took the initiative to try to stand up and run for the door to get to my weapons but he kept dragging me down. I let him get the upper hand and he rolled over on top of me. His hands reached for my hair when I found the 10 mm inside his coat jacket and reached for it. But he slammed my head against the concrete before I could carry out my idea. and the head trauma only intensified the drug-like affect.

I went into the fetal position and screamed out in pain. Wrapping my arms around my head.

I tightly closed my eyes waiting for the shot to ring out, marking my death but he just stood up and stared at me.

I only continued my yelling and writhing. I didn't know what came over me but it felt like I was asleep – so I just kept screaming, like you do when you have a bad nightmare. I was trying to wake myself up.

"You're not a raider.."

He grabbed my greasy hair and tried to pull me towards him. But my arms wouldn't budge from my face.

"Damn I really hurt you.." He still tried to move my arms. "When you attack someone like that, it really gives the impression that you _are _one of those thieves."

Minutes passed when he just kept rambling on about something or another – but I just kept whimpering and yelling.

"Hey!" He slapped my head, "Hey, shut up!" again he back handed my head, not so hard, but enough to jolt me back to reality. "I'm trying to think, Goddamn." This time I shut up and began to analyze him. His bandanna was pulled to his neck. He was scruffy and when he opened his mouth to form those rambling words I saw he was missing a front tooth. A small mouth with puffy lips, a straight nose, and eyes that teemed with exhaustion. Dark circles enveloped his blues. Bags dragged along the lines of the delicate skin just beneath them.. His grip tightened and he pulled me closer to him. Put his hands to feel where he had smashed my head against the floor.

"Damn, lady, I'm really sorry." His fingers twined in my hair to feel the knot that was beginning to form.

"Get off me, I need to go." I strained against him and wobbled towards the door. Spitting blood and maybe a tooth to the floor.

"Don't be stupid," He chuckled and tried to keep me balanced as I walked towards the door.

Which was worse? Whatever I had shot in my arm to numb the pain, or the pulsing headache – I couldn't tell.

I went through the familiar routine of slinging the rifle over my shoulder and putting the pistol where it belongs.

"Maybe you should just sit down for a little bit before you try to take off."

Sighing I sat down outside the Power Station. It was a hot day and the sun shone brightly, baking anything that was in it's rays.

He noisily plopped down right next to me and lit up one of those death sticks – I had found out they were called 'cigarettes.' It still burned my lungs and while he inhaled it I tried to stay out of the way of the twirling smoke.

"Now that we've, uh... been acquainted, what may be your name?"

"Violet."

"Ah, pretty." He inhaled the smoke, "Mines Alexander." Then he let go of the gray suffocating steam.

"Nice to meet you."

"Well, it's nice to meet you too!" He half smiled and chuckled s sort of innocent laugh. Like a child would if an adult said something funny. And even though he had beat me to a bloody pulp – I sort of liked this man. I was breathing and that was good enough for me.

We sat and watched nothing in particular. Not saying a word to each other. He sometimes would yawn or scratch somewhere. Sometimes start to whistle. It wasn't an awkward silence where neither person didn't know what to say. It was just a silence of calm and peace between two strangers. Just admiring what was left of a once beautiful landscape.

He slowly stood up. Stretched then yawned. "I think it's time I go, where are you heading?"

"Oh.. The old factory up north."

"Never been. I'll be heading to The Citadel."

He was with The Brotherhood of Steel?

"Oh don't worry, sweetheart." He giggled. "I don't work for them.. Just have some business."

He went inside the power station and came back outside with a black hat. Put it on his head and tipped it towards me.

"Now, you be careful out there Violet."

"You too."

Like that, he went walking West. I went walking East. Towards an old abandoned factory. Forgot the name of it.  
I was being sent there to map it out but when I asked my employer why he would want such a place scoped out – he wouldn't tell me. But he was paying me so I didn't ask too many questions.

I was going to see Mr. Alexander again though. Sylvia was indeed meshed up with the Brotherhood and that man was working with them. Had to find Sylvia after this. Months had gone by and I only knew what she was doing from Three Dog. The radio DJ kept tabs on her endeavors.

By this time the drug had worn off and I only ended up with a giant headache. Which soon would sooth out in my head and dissipate.

Yeah, after this, I was going to find Sylvia.

–

Dark and abysmal. Smoke stacks blotched the black sky. The black silhouette of it against a gray background. It was set near a mountain. I was worried when the sun tucked below the hills. Fog had settled thickly. Searching an old factory alone at night was dangerous. But my employer wanted it done immediately. And I needed the caps.

To say I underestimated how large and intricate the factory was – would be an understatement. I didn't realize it would be like this. Tucked in between a mountain and a hill. It was massive. My instinct told me not to step a foot closer towards the ominous structure but I _had _to. Something was lingering inside me that yelled at me to go. Instinct against an unknown force – I was so foolish as to let curiosity and desperation carve out a path.

The large brick walls were impossible to scale. Even for me, which in D.C. I scaled the most vertical of walls, scurried on the most little of metal, jumped the biggest gaps, but this place was going to be a challenge for this little monkey.

I followed along the wall until I found the metal gates. The security office was just outside of it – I tried forcing the door open but it wouldn't budge. So I found a window and bust it open with the butt of my rifle. The window glided open when I unlocked it and I crawled through. I switched my flashlight on and clipped it to my jacket's pocket. It brought the darkness out to the light and I saw that most of the windows were boarded up. I went to the front door of it and there was a desk pushed in front of it. Blocking anyone from getting in.

_What happened here?_

I began to search the desk for keys or any ID cards to open the gate but couldn't find anything. My fingers ached around my pistol – Arthritis maybe? My fingers usually would hurt if I held onto something long enough. I made a mental note to see a doctor after this.

I looked in the closet and found an old skeleton wearing a Security Guard uniform. Found in his pockets the key to open the gate. Yawning I climbed back out the same way I came in. My jacket catching little shards of glass on the way out. I brushed them off with my gloved hand.

I realized the clothes I was wearing now wouldn't do. It's been a while since I have climbed the empty buildings in D.C. These cumbersome clothes would hinder my running or climbing. The jacket itself was heavy, protecting me from a lot of general debris, like my Helghan equipment used to. My pants were made of tough fabric that clung to my legs and my boots were thin and padded. Giving me comfort enough to run around in easily. They were black and fit snug around my foot.

I took my jacket, along with my ammo belt, off and put it next to the front door of the Security Office. The cold attacked my bare arms and seethed through the thin fabric of my tank top. I put my messenger bag down and pulled out a small jacket that was a lot more thinner than my last one. I had sewn some fur to the collar that I had taken from an old pre-war dress. The rest of it was made of thin cloth material. It didn't protect me much but it kept me warm and it was versatile. I fastened the five or six buttons securing it on me.

Pulling some stimpaks and a little ammo– I left my messenger bag and heavy coat at the doorstep of the small building. I would come back for it. Would it really be fit to bring my sniper rifle? This place seemed pretty close courters. And it too would hinder me if I scurried along. The tough decision to leave it bothered me. I wouldn't want to lose it in there and have to buy another with the little caps I had. So deciding it best – I left the rifle next to my other belongings.

I made sure to stretch every muscle and yawned again. I really needed to get some sleep.

I found a box next to the gate. 'Open' and 'Close' read on it. I kept trying keys until one fit. With hope that it still worked – I slowly turned it to 'open.' And was rewarded with the sweet sound of rusted steel scraping rusted steel.

When it was open enough for me to slip through I put the keys into my pocket.

So far so good

The factory was larger up close. Much larger. Darker. I could hear clanks of metal shifting in the light breeze. Fog was still thickly lingering, skewing any chance of me seeing in the distance. All I saw was the front of the factory and a broken concrete path leading me to the main doors. The still alluring feeling inside of me to delve into the deepest depths of the factory.

My thoughts tried to linger on other matters. I couldn't let it. Had to focus.

I arrived at the front doors. _Something _happened here. There was other things like chairs and picnic tables against the doors. Barricading it so whatever they were trying to keep in was not getting out. Moving the picnic tables carefully I pushed open the broken down door. And entered – part of me wanted to figure out what happened. Another wanted to hurry up search the place and get out. The last part of me didn't even want the caps, wanted to run all the way back to Megaton and go to bed.

I didn't know what I was doing. The inside was musty. Much like the security office – it too was a mess. Chairs flipped over, tables looked like they were thrown against walls. Rubble piling up in all different places. There seemed to be a lot of searching involved with places like this. The drawers contained a map of the compound.

It showed the first two upper floors but not the bottom floors – if there was any – there must be another part of the map around here somewhere. I continued looking in drawers and filing cabinets but couldn't find the other piece. Just business papers. So, I started heading in one direction. The stairs. I figured I would start with the bottom up.

They went on forever. I stopped a few times to catch my breath. I'm sure the dust wasn't helping my breathing.

I started to take the stairs down two by two. Hoping to speed up the attempt at reaching the bottom. The map was useless in the situation so I relied on my sense of navigation and memory. My flashlight shining ahead. Shaking every time I took a step.

Finally the bottom appeared and I hurried down. I hadn't counted how many floors I passed. Just kept thinking about when these stairs were going to end. The bottom of the factory was surly underground. Most of everything was intact. It wasn't as big a mess as the first floor – but it still was eroded. I wasn't sure how many decades had gone by after this place was abandoned.

I began to draw a map on the back of the factory's map so I wouldn't get lost.

–

Time had passed me by. The map I was drawing almost took up half the back. I drew fairly small, keeping room for other intricate floors. It was like a maze. Large hallways erupted into spindling little hallways. Rooms for miscellaneous things. Someone who was claustrophobic wouldn't last a second in here. It felt like the walls were caving in on you. When you looked down the hallway and saw all that your light would show – the darkness would twist and spin into a portal for your mind. Beckoning inane ideas of ghouls and monsters.

I was hurried out of my thoughts of drawing the map. The bloody scream that gargled echoed. It emanated from the back end of the rather large hallway I was in. Immediately I turned off my light and stuffed the map into my pocket.

Another scream. Softly I felt the walls and made my way towards the sound. I heard another and another. And I moved closer and closer.

When the screams felt like they were right next to me I turned on the light.

_Run. _

_What?_

_Don't listen to it. _

I heard a deep guttural growl. And more screams. I took the light off my jacket and tried to find the source of all this noise. It showed a gray wall and some tables. I turned to my left and heard that growl again.

What I saw stained my mind – A dog like creature. But it stood up like a person. Hair hung loosely off of it's body. It's eyes wide and black. It had what looked like arms and paws with large claws. I saw that it was the one doing the screaming and the growling. It stood seven or eight feet tall over me and when it screamed that chilling scream it showed it's teeth. I was a frightened little rabbit – but I didn't want to run.

It suddenly turned it's dog face towards me and growled. Swinging it's claws at me. I flew across one of the tables. My light flew further away. The thing could be heard running towards me and I quickly scrambled to my feet running towards my flashlight. It growled even more when I reached it and I pulled my pistol out. Firing at it – but it was like throwing rocks.

I ran no particular way – it chased after me with such ferocious force. It's breathing mixed in with saliva dripping from it's mouth. It was going to catch up to me if I didn't do something. I slid into a room with a heavy door. The dog like creature slid past the room and growled in annoyance when it didn't catch it's prey.

I flung the door shut and locked it. Grabbed whatever I could to put in front of it. In this case a heavy oak desk that I barely had the strength to move. The creature incessantly slammed it's large body against the door.

I concluded that this thing wasn't a Yao Guai. Those didn't stand up on two legs and run. They didn't scream like a person either. My mind flung my eyes around the room searching for a way out. The room I was in was fairly large – Like a class room. More tables were set up with chairs. Some book cases. There had to be an air vent somewhere I could crawl through. I had to act fast before the creature hulked it's body through the metal door.

There. I found one. I jerked the metal casing off and hopped into it. The metal banging of the door becoming louder and louder – the creature becoming more upset by the second.

I scurried like a rat far away from the room of death I was in. I put my fingers anywhere they would reach. I went up a few floors through the vents and saw a large room with cat walks and assembly lines. I kicked open the vent and dropped down onto my feet. Breathed in a sigh of relief. At least that _thing _was away from me but I knew it would catch up eventually. And had to devise a plan to kill it. I had a pistol and a few grenades. I was a small person with a small frame. Only little muscle graced my body. I could be torn apart easily.

That creature was tougher than me, faster than me. And over all had muscles like a gorilla. I had only one advantage over the beast and that was the mind. I began thinking fast walking around the assembly line. I had to get high up on the catwalks near the ceiling. If I wanted an advantage.

Again I was ripped away from my thoughts when a certain someone spoke up. A womanly voice.

"You seem to be lost miss."

She was almost as dirty as me. Though our clothes were much different – she was dressed in rags.

"I-I am, who are you? What are you doing here? It's dangerous."

The woman seemed to be hurt from my words.

"I know.. Are you okay? I heard some noise from the lower levels."

"There was this big monster down there! I had to climb through the vents just to get away from it!"

She sat upon one of the assembly lines and I just now had the chance to see how young she was.

And how familiar she was to me.

"I've been down here for years," She began. "Too many years. I'm lost. I don't know where to go. So many levels. You need to get out of here before you're trapped too."

The girl walked a little closer to me.

"What are you talking about?"

I quickly closed the gap between us. My foot steps patting as they hit the concrete.

"_You _don't know what you're doing. Leave, now."

"Not without you."

She contemplated for a moment and stared at the ground sighing. I stood there for a moment watching her.

It was still night outside. The large windows making it evident to cast down a gaze. How far had I climbed those vents? It didn't seem very long. Not long at all actually. My mind was fixated on the girl. She felt like that lingering feeling calling out to me. I couldn't leave her.

"I'll go with you." She confessed.

I grabbed her hand and we ran off into the hallways. "Do you know where you're going?" She asked between breaths as she tried to keep up with me. My grip firm on her wrist. I didn't want her to die. She felt like a part of me.

"No, this map is useless." I pulled it out of my coat pocket with one hand and tossed it in the air.

Now, now, now. Where is the exit?

Before long I was lost. We ended up on some catwalks. I gave her some time to rest and some water. I didn't have any food on me but would be sure to give her some when we got out of here.

"My name is Molly."

"What?"

"What's your name?"

"Molyneux."

"Oh, you have a nice name! It's almost like mine." She smiled a bright grin.

When Molly caught her breath we began running again.

"Hear that?" She called from behind me.

"No, what is it?"

"Mr. Brown is back."

I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard what she had. A scream of pain, like the one that creature had made. He found us. I was sure we were in the higher levels of the factory. Clawing sounds were heard from behind us.

"Sh, just keep running no matter what."

Almost deafening screams. The girl was lagging behind. I encouraged her to ignore the pain and move.

"I have to figure out how to kill this thing."

"Then stop running."

"Are you insane?!"

I tried searching for a door or somewhere out of this place.

"Some people spend their whole lives running away from-"

"Locked." I tried shaking the door but none of them were open. Or were barricaded.

"Running away from something that's always been there. They just realize-"

"Locked again."

"What a threat it is. So they tend to run from it. When in reality-"

I didn't want to look behind me when I heard the monster scream again. The light showing our way bounced up and down as we sprinted down the halls.

"In reality they should just face it. You either live without it or go crawling back to it."

We rounded a corner fast. I looked ahead and there was light. The morning sun was rearing it's smile. The big room ahead was another assembly line. The hallway lead to the top of it near the catwalks. I gained enough courage to look behind me – only to see the creature slide on all fours around the corner. It's claws digging into cement. Saliva flinging form it's mouth. It got up again on it's legs and growled.

"Molly, I want you to hide when we get up to this room. Don't come out until I say so."

We reached the end. The railing guarding us from the fall below.

"And take this." I grabbed the pistol from my coat and threw it to her.

"But won't you need it?"

I shook my head no and told her to go hide.

Turning my attention to the growling beast running my way with ferocious speed. I pulled my last remaining weapon;

A large hunting knife. It's eyes fixated on me and only me. I screamed at myself to stay right in it's path but my body wanted to run.

_Face yourself. _

It lunged for me,

And when I realized it. It all made sense.


	5. Chapter Four: Unconsciousness

_Now, I've been doing some thinking about women in the Helghast army. And asking and searching on various forums about it. I thought the Elite Shock Troopers were women (With really flat chests) but they are indeed male. Since the city was evacuated before the ISA invaded I suppose all the women and children were put somewhere safe. Which I have no idea where._

_I think there would be women in their army. Snipers are kind of small, hunched back, they could also be women. I think the women would be used for more reserved smaller roles in the ranks. Like I said; I do not know. But in my story there is. I mean, women can do whatever men can do.. only better. :p _

_So, my over all theory on the whole thing is that they probably don't allow women in the Helghast army. The women probably stay home and raise children or work wherever. But in my story there are plenty of women in their army. Snipers, Elite Shock Troopers, maybe even the Miners. But not the heavy duty jobs. _

_I always had a crush on the Helghast men, though. So, uhm.. yeah. I hope I'm not the only one. _

_Another thing. This is between Killzone 1 and Killzone 2. Since the ISA attack Helghan only months after the first game, let's just pretend they hold the attack off for a couple years or so. I don't know. Visari wouldn't send troops off to another planet if Vekta was invading, now would he?_

_I hope you enjoy this chapter, and tell me if it sucks or not. I like honesty, even if it does hurt. _

* * *

_Chapter Four: Unconsciousness _

"Here." Don't ask me why I left Molly. "Thanks." I didn't know why. She was a friend but in times like these you have to make sacrifices. I was on the trail of my father and I felt like letting Molly go would set her free. I couldn't have her chained to me all the time – and I didn't really protect her as much as she wanted to be. Abandoning her would be the only way to have her do things on her own. I knew she wasn't from this planet. The way she talked about Helghan made it seem much worse than Earth.

Months later I realized that she was getting into more trouble than I suspected.

She _was_ using different names for certain things. Making it even harder to keep tabs on her but Three Dog helped me with that. He told me all he knew about the odd little things happening in The Wasteland. How just small unknown people from certain Raider groups were ending up dead. But it was not just the raiders who were ending up dead. Good, innocent people were dying. Found with a bullet through their head. The worst crime scene Three Dog told me about was Lucy West's.

Let me tell you some things about Miss West. She was young and especially nice. I helped her with her family in Arefu.

Turns out she was not getting any letters from her family living there and asked me to go investigate. Her family was dead; her brother was not. I tracked him to metro tunnels where cannibals gathered. They were known as 'The Family.' Her brother , Ian West, was staying with them after _he _killed his family. The Family's head leader Vance let me take him after doing some convincing. Ian stayed in Arefu and I went back to Megaton to talk to Lucy about it. She was very grateful about everything.

Lucy was found murdered inside Moriarty's Saloon. Blood was on the walls, covered the floor, all over the bar. Gob spent days cleaning it all up. Lucas Simms determined she was stabbed to death. The weirdest part of the murder was that her tongue was removed. Cut out from her pretty little mouth. They never found it, just in case the perpetrator threw it across the room, or outside somewhere. Now, Lucas never did look into it any, but there were wanted posters up for someone called 'Lucille.' A little sketch was made and put up at the front gate of Megaton.

It looked frighteningly like Molyneux.

I could either stop searching for my father or begin looking for Molly and beat her ass. Maybe then that would knock some sense into her. Before she murdered someone big and really upset some people. I still couldn't believe it. She was so innocent. Never talked much but she had a certain charm about her. Like you just wanted to mother her and watch her grow up to become a good person. Or whatever motherhood is like.

I sighed and took a gulp of vodka. Moriarty's saloon was a good place to unwind at the end of the day. Maybe I would catch Molyneux coming back. Though Colin said that when I left her she left too. Never been back since.

"Damn shame." He said as we talked to one another across the bar. "She would have been a great-"

"Shut the hell up, Colin. Don't even say that."

"I mean, Nova ain't getting any younger."

Nova poked her head between us and gave Colin a look. "You bastard." And grabbed a bottle of beer.

"Where might ya think little Molly ended up?" He asked.

"I don't know.."

–

The force of the monster's body slammed into me. We flew over the railing in a loud bang. I shifted so I landed on top of it – instead of it landing on me – so it wouldn't crush me. The knife I had landed into the back of it's neck but it must not of even hurt it. It flung it's arm into me. Again, I hit the ground hard and skidded across the floor. Scraping layers of skin off. Little rocks and dust particles lodging themselves into nooks and crannies of my now tattered skin.

I stood up to it from across the room. It was readying itself for another attack. Snarling, and spitting. I held my other 9 mm in my hands but I knew there was no damage being done to this thing. My knife was still lodged in it's neck letting blood seep through it's fur and drip down to the floor. I had to get to that knife again. Eliminate one of it's main sources for life.

When it charged again – I moved around it to the left. It twisted in a violent fashion trying to snag anything on me. Clothes. Arms. Legs. I jumped on it's back and grabbed the knife from it's bleeding neck. Making sure to twist it around. It pulled me off with such force that it ripped my jacket. His claws digging into the skin on my back. I let out a yelp when I was flung to the floor beneath his feet.

He didn't decide to rip the life out of me. No, no he did not. In fact he decided to pick me up. It cradled me in it's arms. It's face no longer aggressive but calm. It's big black eyes filled with sorrow. If I moved I was afraid that it would kill me. So, I watched and waited.

_Take the knife and kill him. Him. Kill him. He needs to die. Done away with. _

_Who's he?_

_KILL HIM_

I couldn't stop the screaming in my mind. It wouldn't go away. I couldn't hear anything except my own thoughts. The monster was still staring at me, cradling me in it's arms. I wanted the yelling to go away. I really did. Please. Make it stop. Make it stop so I can think.

The knife in my hand felt slick. Cold steel between my fingers. The pistol in my other hand felt better. And I decided to do something that I knew would only protect myself.

In one quick motion I took the knife and slammed it into his throat. Hearing the dull crunching noises and gargled gasps for air. He dropped me to the ground and I landed on my feet. Before he had the chance to retaliate I took the gun and jammed it under his chin. It tried to snatch me with it's arm but fell to the ground before it registered another thought. The weapon's loud bangs still echoed. I stood in a daze. My eyes flickering between reality and sleep.

I put another bullet in it's head for good measure. Sighing I sat on a conveyor belt. Rubbed my eyes with the arm that wasn't in excruciating pain. Blood dripped from my hand onto the ground in a tip tap sound. Every time I moved at least one part of my body hurt. I pulled whatever I had out of my pocket, med-x, and stuck it into my arm. This would last me long enough to find a way out of here with Molly and find a settlement.

"Molly!?" I called out into the void. "Where are you?"

I couldn't find the little girl anywhere. I felt like Sylvia had left me all over again. Why do people keep leaving me?

"Molly, please come back!" Tears began to form in my eyes and I took quick panicked breaths. Anxiety rose in my chest like flood water. I wanted to leave this place but not without Molly. I searched the building forever. Still no sign of the little girl. Before I knew it, I was face down on the ground. A large boot pressing into my back. I tried to look at the individual pressing harder and harder on my back.

To my complete and utter surprise it was one of my own.

A Helghast.

–

Turns out my little child had been spending time with raiders known as The Shelter Dogs. A very tough looking group. Rather frightening. They would not tell me anything. I guess my reputation of being a goody two shoes follows me.

They would only let me in the house if I paid them caps. Scavengers.

A cigarette burned in the ash tray. Vodka filled cups traced along the tables and sometimes the floor. Their leader, who was surprisingly clean cut for leading such dirty individuals, his followers said his name was Maggie. Looked in his late twenties, maybe early thirties. Talked with eloquence that reminded me of Molly's sauntering tone. It was very pleasant to hear people like Maggie and Molyneux talk. The room was dark and dry. Very cold. They somehow got an air conditioner to work and had it on full blast the whole time I was there. Maggie sat behind a desk. But he didn't sit on the big worn out leather chair, no. He sat upon the oak desk with his back to me. Doing _something. _

Maggie wore a worn out suit. He didn't wear the jacket. Just a white button up shirt with black pants and suspenders. His red tie was carelessly tossed on the desk next to him. The radio on the table played Frank Sinatra's "It's Sunday" lightly. It added to the atmosphere this little house already had. It was weird to see this many people tucked inside a Victorian style house out in The Wasteland.

"Uh.." I began to stutter out, unsure what to say to him. He whipped his head around quickly and turned back to look at whatever he was fiddling with. I felt awkward. Felt like he had judged me in a two second look. But I heard Molyneux hung around here for a while. So I had to ask something.

"I'm looking for a girl."

"Well go check the rest of the house. There's plenty of them lying around."

I chuckled at his bluntness. "No, not that kind."

"Okay."

"She's been using different names."

"Why are you trying to find this woman?"

I completely ignored his question. Hoping that what he was doing behind the desk would keep him half interested. "She has blonde hair, brown eyes-"

"Was she lanky looking and didn't talk much?"

"Yeah."

"Was she also afraid of cigarettes?"

"She didn't really like the smoke they gave off."

"If you're talking about who I believe you are in fact talking about.." He moved his arms in a weird fashion and I got very suspicious of what he was doing. I mean, it looked like..

"There. That's better." Maggie held up some pants that he stitched back together.

Oh, thank God for that.

He threw the pants on a couch across the room. Picked up the cancer stick in the ash tray and stuck it between his rosy lips. He turned around on the table and faced me. Finally I could get a look at him. His face was rather desolate, and strange. A small almost perfectly straight nose. Puffy lips. He looked like he was always looking up. Blonde short hair in all different ways. It also looked like he hadn't shaved his face in a couple days.

He was incredibly handsome.

"Now, about Noelle." He cleared his throat like he was giving a big speech. "Now, I am not going to ask you for caps. I have plenty of that. But Noelle was special to me and I don't want any harm to come to my dear girl. She only stayed here four weeks but I did grow very attached to her. So, I must ask – what reason may you be inquiring about her?"

"She was an old friend. I want to make sure she's okay."

"Uh huh." I felt like an idiot. "Where did you meet her?"

"Megaton."

He blew smoke from his lungs and leaned back on his elbows. I couldn't tell if Maggie was thinking about killing me and throwing my body out the front door to just leave for the animals. Or actually tell me where Molly went. He found a glass filled with whatever alcoholic beverage and sipped at it.

"She didn't particularly tell me where she was going. Told me she had to keep moving. I begged her to stay, truly, told her I would take care of every problem she had. That if she just stayed with me I could help her. To me she wasn't stubborn. Just worried about something. And I think she felt like running away from it would fix that problem. She came home one day. Said "Someone hired me to search and map a rather large building." Wouldn't tell me nothing else. When she left the next day she didn't say goodbye. Probably thought of it too hard."

He sighed in a sorrowful tone.

"Did.. did you and her have a relationship?"

"I wouldn't call it that, Miss. I cared for her deeply. But it was nothing like that."

"Ah." I figured Maggie couldn't help me anymore. He seemed like he had his own agenda. Making deals with scumbags, manufacturing and distributing chems. I wouldn't be surprised if he himself sampled his own merchandise. Seemed like a nice person but I couldn't know someone who only made The Wasteland a worse place. Which I don't even know why he was talking to me in such a calm manner. Surly he had heard of me. He listened to the radio and Three Dog talked about me all the time. I sound so far up my own ass.

"I want her to come back to me. Just so I can make sure no harm comes to her. But she seemed like such a lost cause. I don't think anyone can help her except herself."

"I feel the same way."

"Then why are you trying to find her?"

"She's been a very bad girl."

"Sounds kinky."

Again. With the jokes and bluntness. I wasn't even sure he was joking. He said it in such a dead panned and serious tone.

"No, not that. I just want to talk to her about some things. I've heard she was the one doing all the little murders and it just doesn't seem like her."

Maggie had mumbled something in between his cigarette lips.

The time I had spent here was enough to send me into fainting. The smell of smoke and chems and all sorts of things. I wanted to leave.

"Thanks for your help."

He mumbled something else. It sounded like a goodbye.

–

"Hey, hey just leta go." Thick cockney accents flooded the small room near the exit of the factory. I was still face down on the floor with the heavy boot digging into my back. Now two Helghasts stood above me. The other chuckled as I squirmed beneath him. He was undoubtedly enjoying watching me try to get away like a scared rabbit in the face of danger.

"C'mon, we don't have time for games."

One of them pulled me off the floor. Then kept a strong grip on my arm as he pushed me out the double doors. The sun was shining brightly today. I wasn't sure what time it was. The weather was almost perfect.

I was pushed in front of a couple other Helghasts waiting outside. Some were sitting down. I thought one was asleep. A few were standing up.

"This is what was making all that noise." The one holding my arm spat.

"I suppose this is all hers." She held up my backpack along with my jacket.

I didn't want to talk to these people. I thought I was done with them – I shouldn't of been so foolish. They were infesting the wasteland like ants that I have just avoided them all this time. I thought The Brotherhood of Steel would get rid of them by now. Shouldn't of counted on such pitiful humans to defend such a barren planet. With little or no resources to help. Everyone here turned on each other. No order. No established anything. It was a mad man's mind.

"Here." She threw the bag at me. "Now get the fuck away from here." She then turned her attention the the ones on the ground and barked familiar orders at them.

"Let go." I pushed away from the one holding my arm. I could feel his rage. Having to listen to orders. Being told what to do. I couldn't think of a reason their captain would let me go but didn't stay long to ask. Helghasts had short tempers.

I ran out the gate that had now been opened even further. Passing a couple more of them out.

"Molyneux?"

Oh damn.

"What are you doing?"

I stopped dead in my tracks at the sound of their voice. It was very familiar. I couldn't think of their name. I remember them though. I spent a-many nights patrolling the empty buildings of D.C. With him.

"I-I, uh, I can't talk right now."

He jogged towards me. The strange sense of Helghan being nice. After all these months of hearing horror stories about them from the citizens. Hearing them didn't surprise me. I was one of them doing those horrible things at one time. For years actually. I wanted to go back to them. Just the acceptance they provided me with was enough to lure me back in. I couldn't though. LaMante had undoubtedly told Marlowe of my running away. They would shoot me on sight. Which I didn't know why the one that had given me back my equipment didn't shoot.

I began to think fast. A sudden burst of old good memories flooded back to me and I remembered his name.

Vida looked around to see if anyone was looking at them – they weren't. There were about twenty or thirty sitting outside the factory. All doing one thing or another but minding their own business.

"I thought you were dead!" He laughed a hoarse laugh. The one you do when you're desperate for something to eat or drink. "You look good, though. Compared to what I thought you would look like if you spent a couple days out here in this hell alone." I couldn't see beyond that gas mask but I could tell he was happy to see me. I was happy to see him, truly, but I had to leave before someone decided to follow orders.

"Vida, I really have to leave."

"No, you don't. Just stay and talk a little."

"I really can't."

"Why?"

"I'm a deserter."

"Oh, c'mon, these are all new recruits. Marlowe hasn't told them anything about you yet. Now what have you been up to?"

I sat down on the steps of the old security office. Taking in a breath that hurt my body. The claw marks on my shoulder needed tending to. But I wanted to talk. Especially to an old friend. Someone who had known me since The Academy years.

If I died I would die next to him and I figured that would be good enough for me. It always has been.

He sat down next to me. Vida was a shock trooper but also helped with whatever he could here. During the first few days we arrived on Earth we spent late nights just roaming and scouting out D.C. Those nights were beautiful. Some nights the stars were so bright and amazing. Those memories clouded my mind as I watched him. Probably a long time since he had been able to rest.

"Oh, damn.." He sighed. "Those bastards at The Brotherhood have been giving us a hard time. So are The Enclave."

"I've tried to stay away from formal groups."

"You should come back."

"No."

"Fine."

"What is Helgan doing all the way out here anyways?"

"We need a new HQ."

"And this factory would be a perfect place?"

"Well, it's big, empty, not really around anything. D.C. Has become a fuckin' war zone."

I could hear him rummaging around for something in his various little pockets and bags. I tried to keep my mind on something . I needed to go back to Longhorn and tell him the factory is a no-go. Now that Helghan was making it it's home away from home. Hopefully there aren't any more of those monsters hiding out in the dark hallways. Even though I was not a part of Helghan anymore – I did in fact like them. The human part of me wanted to hate them but the Helghan part of me wanted to go running back.

"Don't move."

I felt cold disinfectant relieve the stinging of the deep wounds around my shoulders.

"How did this happen?" He asked.

"There was something in there, and a little girl."

"A girl?"

"Yeah.. she," I winced in pain as he began to clean the more sensitive parts of the wound. Vida only mumbled a little 'sorry' under his breath. Then continued to clean out the wounds once again. "After I had killed it, I tried to find her again.. Then I was slammed into the floor by my new friends." Vida searched his bag for something else.

"What have you taken?"

"Med-x."

"Let me see it."

I handed him the leftover med-x. Letting him inspect it carefully. He tossed it aside and pulled out a needle and a small bottle of some liquid pain killer I didn't know the name of. It slowly eased into the syringe. His hands working like a machine. Precise and exact. I missed it. The order everyone worked in. There was so much chaos in The Wasteland when it came to people. All so crazy and insane. Compulsive. Dirty. I was a part of it. I was adding fuel to the fire for The Wasteland's culture, if you could even call it that, but I none the less was a criminal. It seemed to be the only thing I was good at here. Being a scumbag.

Vida was stitching up the skin. I didn't feel a thing.

I longed for my sniper rifle. For the cloaking gear. I wanted to be a predator again, a wolf – not a rabid coyote. Just to be invisible to the world. Stalk my prey like elk in a dark wooded forest. Following their every move as they graze upon the lush green grass. Rain water dripping off the pines into a freshwater stream. Grey clouds hanging low in the sky. Mixing into the atmosphere – fixed upon an infinite existence. The power to rip the life out of them. Watching their souls float above in a mist. Flying higher and higher until it mixes in with the clouds. Then it simply dissipates..

It gave me something to live for. Something to be told to do. A niche somewhere.

"Need anything else fixed?"

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and looked towards Vida. He seemed like an inviting company. He was always nice. Always listened to my incoherent ramblings late into the night. I was not the best close courters fighter and surly would've died without him with me in D.C. I only had gratitude for him. I didn't want to leave him – not one bit. Just wanted to go back to the way things were, but oh lord, the times they are changing.

"Uh.." I lifted my shirt to show the side of my torso. I scraped the whole side of my body when that monster flung me across the room.

"Goddamn." He laughed. "Okay, stand up."

I felt light headed and a little unsteady on my feet. I knew lack of sleep and having various drugs in my system were going to make me collapse wherever I happen to be. And that would probably be the best thing in the world for me right now. I didn't have the endurance and tolerance fot most things like full Helghasts do. But I was able to breathe without my gas mask. Not very well, I might add.

"Just a little scrape," He added while cleaning it off. "Should be better in a couple days." He put some bandages on it after cleaning it with disinfectant. "You should be okay now."

Vida picked up his weapon. "Now, maybe you should get out of here before someone gets suspicious." I wanted to hug him. Though there was no such thing like that when it came to Helghasts. There were handshakes and salutes. He would probably push me off of him if I even tried something like hugging.

I took a deep breath. Grabbed my gear. Put on the heavy jacket – slung my backpack and sniper rifle over my shoulder. Cleared my mind for the long walk ahead of me and turned around. The road was made of dirt. It winded down a long path. A light breeze was making it's way amongst the emptiness. Sun shining dull all around me.

And I moved on. Like I had done so many times before. I was a nomad. A gypsy. No self-awareness. No cause.

–

_Wellllll gooooooooooood morning Wastelanders! How are ya doin' today? We have lots of news to report here. And I mean lots, kiddies. Our new friends and resident whatever-they-are have made Old Gingersnap Factory their headquarters. Whoop-uh-dee freakin' doo! So don't go lookin' for adventure near there, folks. The Brotherhood of Steel are at war with them. D.C. Has been insane the past few days. These Helghasts are persistent. The Enclave have been surprisingly quiet about the whole debacle. _

_More unknown assassinations. This time I couldn't find a lead on who would want this person dead, it was probably just a meaningless killing, but all these weird murders have been happening lately. Me thinks they're all linked together. One individual who is out of their mind just killing for the fun of it. The wanted posters up have a young woman's face, I doubt she's the killer. Though, you never know, anything can happen in this wonderland of radiation and mysticism! _

_Now, let this music take you to a better place. _

–

"No, I've not been able to find her! It's like chasing down a fucking ghost!"

"I can understand your frustration, but we're paying you a considerable amount to find her."

"I know, I know."

Molyneux has turned into a monster who needed to be stopped. A ghost who shows up to only kill. The caps they were paying was only a bonus. I decided to not find her and talk to her. But to only find her and beat her senseless. Kill her in the most horrid way possible – sadly Lyons wanted that bitch alive. No caps for a dead Molyneux. I was a good person, wanting to help with The Good Fight but anyone who did the things she did deserved to die a horrible death.

After learning more about the killings and the fashion they were performed in, I figured that Molly had lost her damn mind. But then again, hearing about the Helghasts, I wasn't surprised. She was one of them. Half-breed or not. Every damn Helghast deserved to die. I was helping The Brotherhood of Steel with Alexander. He also had a hatred for those red eyed monsters.

Alexander was a business man before he began helping The Brotherhood. Working with the caravans that passed through each settlement. A very nice young man who talked too much. A good fighter. We together did whatever Lyons told us to.

Kept us busy and exhausted. Between tracking down the predator and fighting Helghan – I almost forgot about my father.

–

Hallucinogenic substances and colors flooding my mind – St. Monica. My mind calming down. I can think freely. I am free. Please stop the insane voice inside my head. It is not me. It is someone else. Leave me alone! Please leave me alone! I want to make the decisions myself. I am not who you are, I am not who you want me to be.

I need something to live for. I need something to fill my mind. If I don't start thinking soon the voice will come back.

Yes.. Yes.. sooth the turning gears.

–

_More of those Helghasts are arriving each day in The Wasteland. No news on any odd murders, children. It seems our killer has either died or have found their mind._

–

I spent my time with tramps, nomads, gypsies, traders, preachers, doctors. We were squatting in old neighborhoods. In whatever house was left standing. I learned a lot about myself – listening to others talk. The preacher there talked about St. Monica all the time. Made new friends, real friends. Learned all I could about everything. I was not aware of anything anyone was doing except myself. I was stripped of my old senses and given new ones.

I was a person. I wore denim shorts and an old button up shirt. The adults took care of me. I had fun playing with the children and talking to people that were as young as me. I had to lie and tell them some fake name. I went with "Nouvelle."

I also dabbled in chems. All of us danced in the moonlight as someone strummed on their guitar. Singing up into the heavens. Days flew by fast. Nights were simply astonishing. I will never cease to be amazed by space and all of it's gifts.

As I laid my head down on the dusty pillow I looked up above me. The dead of night. So calm and collective. I closed my eyes to get some much needed rest.

–

_Inside of the ship was cold. We had only left a few hours ago and I was bored. Couldn't sleep. Too excited about what was to be found on Earth. What was left of it?_

_Vida sat next to me. He was either asleep or watching the small television. He had his goggles on, I couldn't tell. It was mostly the news. The reporter blabbering on about the war. Only that and little clanks here and there. No one was really doing anything. Our minds full of Visari's words. I couldn't keep still at all. I kept moving back and forth or shaking my foot. Anything to calm my nerves. I even considered pacing back and forth. All this moving caused a little noise. _

"_You're driving me insane, stop moving." Someone softly said from across the room. _

_I tried to stay still. The words emitting from the television not making their way into my brain to register thought. I took a look around the room at my comrades. Almost everyone was asleep- It's always been like this. I could never sleep. I would go three or four days without any. Vida stirred on the other side of the couch. Lifted his head up, I guess he was sleeping, and turned towards me, then towards the TV, he got up off the couch and left the room. I wonder where he was going._

_I splayed across the couch on my stomach. Maybe if I just closed my eyes and tried to think of something... _

"_Get up you lazy bitch!" I was thrown off the couch and dragged to my feet. The unmistakable sound of Captain Marlowe's voice boomed. "Get the fuck out!"_

_In a daze I put on my gear – just like at the academy where they wake you up in the middle of the night just to put on your gear, and have you stand at attention for hours on end outside - I grabbed my rifle and rushed out into whatever waited me. _

_Others poured out behind me. All of us ready to give our life for the glory of Helghan at a moment's notice. This city was blown to bits. I found some stairs and ran up the second floor window. Readying myself for orders. _

"_Let's move out."_

–

The next day I did the same thing. Talked and talked to the people I wanted to spend the rest of my days with. There was no pain. No orders to follow. No killing. No violence to shake the earth you stood upon. Sunrise, sunset, happiness filled every part of my mind. Pushing back any of my Helghan roots showing up at any time. My mind was at peace. Spinning an infinite amount of colors into the air. They twirled into each other, mixing, the sky was on fire. Water beneath my feet.

I wish it would stay like this forever.

–

_Well, I'm thinking of ending the story here. But I figure that would be stupid since there's still so many loose ends I have to tie. Molly is tripping balls into the atmosphere everyday with her new vagabond friends._

_I've been listening to The Door. Damn, what an amazing band. _

_I don't want to make this a romance story, what do you think?_

_So many decisions to make! I just wanna watch Cowboy Bebop or Samurai Champloo, I've not watched Tv in weeks_

_I'll be taking a break with this story, but I won't forget it. I like Molly and Sylvia. _

Thank each and every single one of you who read this, and thank you to all that review.

See you Space Cowboy!!


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